Joke Emails

Woman

Sent: Friday, 21 April 2000 12:05 a.m.
To: Undisclosed-Recipient:@smtp1.ihug.co.nz;
Subject: Fw: Women

 

| ELEMENT: Woman
| SYMBOL: Wm
| DISCOVERER: Adam
| ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 53.8kg
| (but known to vary between 40kg and 200kg)
| OCCURANCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas
| HALF-LIFE: Deteriorates after about 25 years, sometimes rapidly
| losing shape and lustre
|
| PHYSICAL PROPERTIES*
| Surface is usually covered with a painted film
| Boils at nothing, freezes without known reason
| Melts if given special treatment
| Bitter if used incorrectly
| Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore
| Warms to pressure applied to correct points
|
| REACTIVE PROPERTIES*
| Has a great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of
| precious stones
| Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
| Can explode spontaneously without prior warning and for
| no known reason
| Stable in liquids, but activity greatly increases with
| saturation in alcohol
| The most powerful money reducing agent known to man
|
| USES*
| Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
| May be a great aid in relaxation
| Can be an effective cleaning agent
|
| COLOUR*
| Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered
| in natural state
| Turns green when placed beside a better specimen
|
| HANDLING*
| Highly dangerous except when in experienced hands
| Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be
| maintained at different locations as long as the specimens
| do not come into contact with each other.
|

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