Joke Emails

Getting Married

Subject: Getting Married
Date: Fri, 10 Sep 1999 21:22:22 +1200

 
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you
wish you had ordered that.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren‘t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other replied,  "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife,
"You know, I was a fool when I married you."
She replied,  "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn‘t notice."

A lady inserted an ‘ad‘ in the classifieds: "Husband wanted."
Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said,
"I‘ve found a man just like father!"   Her mother replied,
So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?"  And the father replied, "I don‘t know son, I‘m still paying."


Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn‘t know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, Son."

Then there was a man who said,  "I never knew what real happiness was
until
I got married; and then it was too late."

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get
to prove it.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say, talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it weren‘t for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.

You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go
out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.

During a heated spat over finances, the husband said,
"Well, if you‘d learn to cook and were willing to clean this place,
we could fire the maid."  The wife, fuming, shot back,  "Oh yeah???
Well, if
you‘d learn how to make love, we could fire the chauffeur and the
gardener."

Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage
is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around
the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

According to the latest surveys, when making love, most married men
fantasize that their wives aren‘t fantasizing.

Husband: "Want a quickie?"  Wife: "As opposed to what?"

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got two girlfriends.

How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

The most effective way to remember your wife‘s birthday
is to forget it once.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your
parachute.

First guy (proudly): "My wife‘s an angel!"
Second guy: "You‘re lucky, mine‘s still alive."

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

How do you scare a man?
Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus, the clowns don‘t talk.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.

Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very
moment for their call.  Who are these women?  Women working at 900
numbers.

How is a man like a used car?
Both are easy to get, cheap and unreliable.

Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome,
a good lover and a stimulating partner?
In the pages of a romance novel.

What do you do with a man who thinks he‘s God‘s gift?
Exchange him.

Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men?
No phone numbers.

What‘s a man‘s idea of a perfect date?
A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a sixpack.

Why do men like smart women?  Opposites attract.

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